Like every year begins - there was a list of things I wanted to accomplish. A lot of things.

I wanted to take The Gift of Imaan to new heights, introducing new packages, gift sets, and new packaging videos and making my Instagram the 'IT Instagram'. I had some personal goals as well such as getting closer to Allah SWT, becoming filled with gratitude, and achieving my daily Istighfar and Alhumdulilah dhikr count. I wanted to ace my last semester in university. Now these were all the things that I had planned, and Allah had His plan for me, and as we all know Allah SWT is the best of planners.

2023 started with me getting sick for the first 5 months. I had the worst case of COVID that slowly but effectively deteriorated my health to the point that I couldn't move an inch without feeling dizzy. And all the other reactions that I had never heard of, were diagnosed to me. Now whether this was a lack of medical knowledge or an excuse for my doctors to make everything a "COVID side-effect", I don't know. All I know is that I was miserable, constantly felt like a truck was hitting me, and completely exhausted from any thought of the world.

I ended up missing roughly 2.5 months of work, missing out on any Ramadan 2023 goals I had, was unable to fast, and did not make any financial gains with the Gift of Imaan.

In mid-June, I was finally given the get-go to start work again, and although physically I felt better, mentally I wasn't fully there. And as we all know about the corporate world, those managers ain't our friends. Holy moly! In the aftermath of being on short-term disability, you'd think they'd be the same, in my case it was the complete opposite. I was met with a barrage of comments such as "How was your vacation", as if being on STD could any way or form become a vacation. Like any person of color, I tried to ignore the comments and get back to work, however, the comments soon became unbearable. And there you have it - my managers were successful at bringing out a side of me that I didn't even know existed. The mental torture of being denied any PTO in 6 months was too much, and the excuses were terrible, "you just came back", "The others need time off too", my managers didn't even know I had that rebellious side inside of me, and she was better off kept inside. But they wanted to see it HAHA. As any person would do in my situation, it was fairly easy for me to bring out the necessary code of conduct, to recover from any excuses my managers were making. This move was strong, however it got me into deep water on a personal level. My managers quickly realized I wasn't someone they wanted to "mess" with, but also I wasn't going to bend over backward, and that people pleaser in me was almost dead thanks to COVID. The good part, is I got some time off in 6 months of full-time work, the bad part - well my managers don't look at me the same way. Maybe I've become too self-entitled for them, but what's given to me as a compensation package in exchange for the work I do is well within my right to make use of.

Enough about me, let us cover the elephant in the room. Gaza - Palestine. Ever since October 7, it's been 84 days (as of the day I am writing this) and there hasn't been a moment of silence. We have all begged for a ceasefire yet no country has listened except Yemen. My advice to everyone - get yourself a friend like Yemen.

After watching countless videos of babies injured, families looking through the rubble, a father placing the remains of his kids in a plastic bag and repeatedly saying "my kids", videos of kids trying to wake their parents up, trying to find them amidst the destruction, the crying and screaming of everyone begging the so-called western communities for humanity and support. The scale of this horror is indescribable at this moment, the constant pit in my stomach, the tears when I hold my babies, I have this need to hug them even tighter as if I am compensating for those kids that will never be hugged by their parents again. The heartbreak to see children and people of all ages dead, mutilated, traumatized. These children will have to rebuild their bodies, minds, and hearts. These people did nothing to deserve this. In my heart, all I want to do is scream, for as long as it takes for this to STOP. I am tired. My eyes are tired. My mind and heart need rest. The suffering of the Palestinian people has made me numb to everything material, and superficial. I, no longer desire anything money can buy. I want peace, security, good health, Imaan, all of which comes from Allah SWT. Somewhere in all of this - parts of me have gone quiet. I will never understand why I deserve a life of safety, peace, and freedom but Palestinians do not.

People are celebrating the end of 2023, what is there left to celebrate? The end of humanity? The end of the value of human life? There is no end.

How awful is the world where we have to see the names of infants written on their faces to identify them for burial? How awful is the world we live in where asking for a ceasefire we had to add "humanitarian" before it to get everyone to agree in the first place? Was this dunya always so dark and evil?

I wake up every day to check my phone to see if people like Motaz and Bisan have posted something - because to me those are the real heroes. The people who stood up against everything and showed the world what Gaza is going through. Did you know Gaza is the most densely populated place on the earth? It has over 2.1 million people and the oppressor has left no school, no hospital, and no place of worship unattacked.

My heart has become completely estranged from anyone whose whole heart isn't in Gaza, and who isn't doing all they can to get the right information out. Talk to me like we are in the middle of a genocide!

I no longer entertain conversations about brands, clothing, and superficial material. If our conversation doesn't begin and end with Allah, do not speak with me. None of this matters anymore. I am working towards becoming a better slave of Allah and that is it.

For anyone who got to the end - I want to take a moment and thank everyone who has supported The Gift of Imaan. I have always made my page available to everyone, no matter who and what you are, I am always here to listen and help in any form I can. Nothing can express how lucky I am to have some of the most special souls enter my life in 2023 as a friend. I don't use this word often, and I am truly the luckiest to consider some of you my closest friends. Thank you for the role you played in 2023 for me. Thank you for being here the whole time listening to my rants, and providing your undivided attention. Thank you for helping me navigate this year. Thank you for giving me a sense of belonging <3

For any of you thinking that 2023 was a year of survival for you, I pray that Allah SWT makes 2024 a year of revival for you. May you thrive in the process of getting where you need to be. Ameen Ya Rab

Lastly, may the world be a better version of itself in 2024!

Blessings,

The Gift of Imaan <3