Do you find yourself drifting away from Islam?

Growing up, I found Islam to be very restrictive. Something I strictly followed at home, but was allowed to not follow outside because we didn't want to come across as "too religious". I never understood the difference. Why am I asked to be one way at home, and act another way outside? I didn't like it. And in Allah's most beautiful ways, He only brought me closer to Him and gave me the strength to pursue Islam openly, without hesitation.

Growing up wearing the hijab was an "option", something women did to become modest but we were taught it wasn't a necessity. It was only much later in my life, that I learnt that hijab is a command of Allah SWT.

Wearing the hijab isn't just about modesty, it is about loving Allah SWT enough to choose Him over all your worldly desires, and you keep choosing Him over and over and over again. When you make a mistake, the world and often your dearest ones are the first to judge and shun you, whereas Allah SWT, our Creator - gives us chances - baar baar.

Being on the right path can be exhausting, and people will question you, but remember everything you are doing whether good or bad will eventually follow you when you meet with Allah. And when someone questions your intentions about becoming "so religious" remind them with one of my favorite answers, mujhe Allah se milna hai toh mein uski tyaari kar rahi hun.

You take one step closer to Allah SWT, Allah will make sure you're able to take the second. Anyway, remember when I asked you if you're drifting away from Islam? I want you to take a moment, take a deep breath in and out, and now answer. Are you or are you not?

Now ask yourself the following questions:

1. What am I feeling or not feeling?
2. What triggered this drift? One event or a more gradual decline?

Now when you've answered these two questions, I want you to take a moment and remember that Allah is your guiding light, He is your provider, your protector. When you start drifting away from Islam, you need to understand that you're too focused on something that isn't Allah, and in many ways or more, that thing won't be relevant in the long term. Your drifting doesn't mean that you're not believing Allah or questioning His decisions, it's usually some worldly matter that's come between YOU and Him. When you're distracted from remembering Allah, you will find yourself questioning the most basic of things. No matter how far you've drifted, you can only come out of this dispairment through Allah. Yes, you read that right - only through Allah.

Anyway, I am not a scholar nor a psychologist, just a student trying to live life with the Deen in my hands. Life is tough. Living in the Western world is tougher. The judgments, the questions, and the looks can be daunting but that's just life. It is temporary. When we go back to Allah, Allah will welcome us and we will be rewarded graciously for all our sacrifices.

I'll leave you with one Urdu saying, mein iss dunya ko chorna nahi chahti, lekin mein pakarna bhi nahi chahti. I'll live it to the best of my ability, and do whatever good I can, but I desperately want to meet Allah. I don't know much about Islam, do we get to complain to Allah? But maybe we will be so happy that we won't remember anything that happened in this world.

Maybe thats why they say, that once you die, your rooh is what meets Allah.